WANT

Yes, its been far too long since I have participated in Five Minute Friday writing.  I could make excuses about life being busy, or stressful.  BUT, I haven't felt like blogging until tonight.  I saw that this weeks word was "want" and I couldn't wait to write.

This week my daughter and I had an argument.  I could see the selfishness on both of our parts.  We were talking "at" each other rather than "to" each other.  In the heat of the moment, no one was being heard.  Finally I yelled. (Graceful parenting at its finest.)  I told her that both of us needed to back up and take deep breaths and then continue the conversation without saying, "I want" or "I need."  In essence, I wanted to see the situation through her eyes, not my own selfishness.  I'd like to say that it was a bonding moment and that the conflict was resolved.  But alas, it was not.  However it taught me to think about "wanting."

As a mother, as an employee, as a friend, as a coworker, as a human being I have a lot of wants.  And often times those wants come at the expense of relationship building.  Instead we spin our wheels and lock down on being "right" or getting what we "deserve" or even worse, secretly wishing others would "get what they deserve."  But that is not the way of the cross.

Jesus never said, "I want."  In fact, I only remember one time he stated his opinion... it was in the garden when he asked if this cup could be passed from him.  It was immediately followed by, "but not my will but yours be done."  He knew what laid ahead and yet he selflessly gave himself.  His situation makes my life seem like small potatoes.  He died on the cross for the sins of the world and I complain and whine about having to entertain teenagers or having to work an extra 2 hours at work.
Hmmm, food for thought.  

FREE

Five Minute Fridays often bring me a sense of thanksgiving.  I am able to reflect on blessings that I often overlook.  Today is no different.  My word is FREE and today I feel free.

Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that there is a time for every activity under heaven.  I'm sure you know the reference:

a time to be born, a time to die; 

a time to tear down and a time to mend; 

a time to weep, a time to laugh 

and a time to be silent and a time to speak.  

My new spin on this scripture is that there is a time to enjoy life, a time to experience freedom.  Often parenting feels like a struggle, at least for me.  It's hard to find time for myself and to truly enjoy the things I want to do.  I love being with friends, talking, laughing, weeping and listening.   But it is rare for us to get to do that as women.  Hence, a positive aspect of teenage parenting.  As our children get older, they need us less.  We are able to leave them at home more, we are able to seek out those friendships that our hearts desire.  There is some freedom found in parenting teenagers.  So in the midst of the angst of raising a teen age daughter, I find myself thankful that at this stage of life, I am able to step out on my own.

As I think of freedom, I am also reminded of the freedom I have from the bondage of sin.  Again, back to Ecclesiastes.  Freedom.  God gives us this incredible freedom to live live that is pleasing to him.  In verse 14 it says,

14  I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Nothing I do can add to my freedom- no amount of good parenting, determined prayer life; accolades from peers... no nothing can add to what Christ has already done for me.  On the flip side, nothing I do- gossiping about others; a lazy spirit or unwillingness to help someone in need... no nothing can take away from what Christ has already done for me.  If that isn't true freedom, I don't know what is.

  

HOPE

There is power in words.  They invoke emotion.  Maybe that is why I blog... words have meaning in my life and often I can't get them out in conversation, so I blog.  I'm following Five Minute Friday's word prompt.  

You can snag the details here: 

 http://katemotaung.com/2015/06/25/five-minute-friday-dream/

HOPE-  definition: noun- a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. 
              definition: verb- want something to happen or be the case.

Is it possible to desire one word to be both a noun and a verb in your everyday life?  As I write this, I can think of things I hope for... a well balanced checkbook; a clean kitchen when I get home.  But I also find things I want to happen.  I hope to rest well tonight.  I anticipate a good dinner with friends. I hope my daughter makes decisions that will benefit her life.  

As I write, I am reminded, that I have both hope (noun) and hope (verb) in my life.

"My Hope is Built on Nothing Less"

by Edward Mote, 1797-1874

1. My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

But wholly lean on Jesus' name.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand.

2. When darkness veils His lovely face,

I rest on His unchanging grace;

In every high and stormy gale

My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand.

3. His oath, His covenant, and blood

Support me in the whelming flood;

When every earthly prop gives way,

He then is all my Hope and Stay.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand.

4. When He shall come with trumpet sound,

Oh, may I then in Him be found,

Clothed in His righteousness alone,

Faultless to stand before the throne!

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand

I especially like the 3rd verse.  

"When every earthly prop gives way, 

then is all my HOPE and stay." 

How comforting to know this hope: to know that THE HOPE is a verb is also my hope that is a person... a living, breathing, walking, talking person.  

FAVORITE

So this week, I am cheating.  I thought I would spend this five minutes reminding me of who I AM. Since I don't know if I will ever share my blog with another soul, it seems like the blogs are more introspective.  So here is the list I found online.  I am only going to commit 5 minutes to this so... if it is abruptly stopped, you know why.  

color- RED

movie- LES MIS

song- tough one but right now, FLAWLESS by Mercy Me

drink- LE CROIX ORANGE WATER

store- GROCERY STORES

flower- PINK CARNATIONS

restaurant_ MEXICAN- El Campesino

tv.show- SURVIVOR

book- BIBLE

candy- HERSHEYS WITH ALMONDS

celebrity- ???

fun spot- TABLE ROCK STATE PARK

accessory- NEW RING WITH PHILLIPIANS 4:5 ENGRAVED

hairstyle- SHORT

car-???

ice cream- COCONUT

fruit- ???

state- TN

music video, 

cartoon,

brand of shoes, 

donut, 

season- AUTUMN 

relative MOTHER

teacher- MRS ROUSE- KINDERGARTEN

magazine, 

game, 

joke, 

website, 

cookie- OATMEAL WITH CHOC CHIPS

number- 13

actor, 

cereal- SHREDDED MINI WHEATS.

Whew I did it.  There is nothing spiritual or life giving about this blog of a list.  It is the real me... somewhat boring, but specifically designed by God for his purposes.  

DREAM

My mind immediately went to a negative place when I saw the word
DREAM.  

Once again I am following Kate Motaung.  5 minutes of unscripted writing.  Its a lot harder than you imagine.  You can link with her here: http://katemotaung.com/2015/06/25/five-minute-friday-dream/

As a child I dreamed I would have a wonderful husband.  But before I settled down, I dreamed of dedicating a few years on the mission field... preferably in Africa somewhere.  I dreamed of being a mom to many adopted children both domestically and internationally.  I dreamed of growing old with my husband by my side and grandchildren all around.

But life happened.... my marriage fell apart.  My daughter is in a period of rebellion... I feel totally alone and inadequate in any type of ministry.  So dreams didn't come true.  UNLESS, those dreams were stepping stones to lead me to a closer relationship with my Savior.

I have to admit, as my dreams were "squashed" right before me, I could feel God's presence in a real way.  He was beckoning me to draw closer to Him, to see what his call on my life was.  I know that God's ultimate goal in my life is sanctification... making me more like Christ and to life my life giving God the glory.  It is a life of serving others so that they may see what God is doing in my life.

So I dare to peek over the fence into my future.  It is always scary to go into the "great unknown"...to seek first his Kingdom and then to figure out how to draw others closer to him through relationships

.   

This is the truth.  A year ago, my world looked different.  I was searching for God amidst my broken and shattered dreams.  Fast forward 18 months and I see God's hand in each decision and relationship I have allowed God to put me in.  

Eventually, God will make his plans known to me.  For today, I will continue to go where he leads, taking one step at a time.  I will go into the dark places with utter confidence that God has the plan and he only needs to give me daily nuggets of knowledge and courage.

BLUE

Blue... now there is an interesting prompt.  I have purposefully not read anyone else's posts because I didn't want to be distracted.  Blue is my favorite color.  It is so much so, that most of the rooms in my house, except the kitchen, have blue and brown as their color pallet.  Most of my closet is blue- from blue jeans, to nurse scrubs to t shirts to nice clothing... you will find blue.

But my blog prompt is found in my bathroom.  On my mirror, I tape various quotes, scriptures and thoughts.  It helps me as I prepare for the day or at the end the day.  Last week, I posted a new verse on a BLUE index card.  I thought I would share it with you.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all of our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ, our comfort overflows.  2 Corinthians 1:3-5

This verse is comfort for me.  Over the past couple of years, God has given me a support system that you would NOT believe.  I have a group I can call upon day or night to pray for us, or come to be the hands and feet of Christ in our lives.   They each have their own stories... stories of heartache in broken marriages, stories of trial in raising children, stories of loss of parents... each person has their own story.  But in sharing of our stories collectively, we can provide comfort to each other as our Lord has comforted us.  Isn't that what the Body of Christ is all about?  I marvel at the support system God has given me.  It is a challenge for me to go therefore and be a support system for someone else.  Last week in our community group a friend shared a quote that has stuck with me.

God won't waste any part of your story.

The trials and struggles we face now are meant for his glory.  Often we don't see it because we don't see the whole picture.  We have a God who is orchestrating our lives but even more special is we have a God who goes with us each day and comforts us as we grieve worldly sorrow.  He isn't playing games, or not paying attention... He is right here with us and chooses to use other people to demonstrate his love and comfort for us.

I find that incredibly comforting.

FOLLOW

Once again, I am spending 5 minutes using the word prompt from Kate Motaung at
/http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/.  I am finding myself a week behind... so technically this was last week's prompt.  I am continuously reminded to give myself a little freedom when I don't meet the deadline.

Two quick definitions of the word "follow."

1- to go or come after (A person or thing proceeding ahead); to move or travel behind.
2- come after in time or order.

I could write a lengthy blog about how either definition applies to my life.  After all, I am a follower.  I like simply be told what needs doing and then allowed to do it.  I am finding myself in more and more leadership roles within our church and sometimes I just want someone to tell me what needs doing.

But this morning definition 2 is pulling at my heart strings.  Have you experienced the period of time that comes after a storm; the peace that follows a trial in life?  That's where life has gotten "real" or "authentic" in the past 6 months of my life.  I have walked through the most difficult 16 months of my life.  I have felt: anger, bitterness, defeat, brokenness, grief and many other emotions.  But after about month 10 in the journey, I began to feel: at peace, less anxious, forgiven, refreshed and loved. This period following the darkest days have been some of my brightest days.

I've a new relationship with my Savior.  

I am able to be more "authentic" in my relationships because I have experienced the darkness. 

I find myself more aware of the needs around me.  

I find myself pouring out more praise to a God who never let me down.  

I find myself looking to the cross for strength rather than trying to go it alone.  

I find myself desiring more time of God and less of me.  

Don't get me wrong, I would never, ever want to walk through that valley again.  But the time that followed is a sweet time.  And don't get me wrong, after this time of restoration, there will be another valley to follow.